FREE SPIRIT

You know, several times I have wanted to look you in the face and tell you about your wrongs, but then, I was scared of what was going to happen if I did. You know how you think your mind works with the help of your brain and heart? You know how it feels when you see the one you love and it's like your heart beats to his direction? You know how you get butterflies in your tummy when you are nervous or when you’re in love? Or how you feel when you are about to take a decision concerning something you are scared of? There is also this feeling you get when you are turned down or disappointed that someone you love doesn't love you back, and feel like giving up, because it's not worth the effort? You also have this feeling of too much anger that eats you up to the extent you cannot understand who you are? These and many more feelings, you may be wondering why am asking all these question and if you are, then there is some part of you that has at-least had more than one of these feelings if not all, imagine all these feelings inside one small me at the same time and I am stuck between choosing which best suit my present state and I am finding it difficult to decide.

When emotions drown you like it has done to me, only then you would understand the stupidity of not letting go. I have chosen to learn how to find my inner peace with a free spirit and in doing so, I have to drop all the extra bags you are encouraging me to carry. Even God said ‘cast your entire burden unto me’, so if you should carry all that weight, it will kill us.

I am strong but not strong enough for this, I have tasted peace and what you give me is trouble, I have loved and what you give me is all the anger in the world, I have cared but what you teach me is selfishness, I have also risen above failure, but you are a definition of constant failure. All the positive thinking ends up in negativity, the moment I see you, I have lost all my goals because somehow you didn't even have any to encourage me about mine.

 You cannot give what you don't have and do not expect my all since you thought me selfishness. I won’t beat up myself, neither will I fight a lost battle for you. In all these, letting go can never be a bad idea, because holding on has killed me in more ways than ever.

I am not scared anymore, I am dropping these bags and I am walking away with a free spirit because it's what I should have done long ago and it makes more sense.

                                                  -Valerie's thoughts-

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